I learned this from my parents when I was young. It’s good for children and adults to know the real secret to a happy marriage.
The key that I see to any marriage that works is selflessness. That’s it. That’s the magic word. In my opinion, marriages break up because one side decides that they have a right to “think of their needs for a change.” However, the key to a happy marriage is to be there for the other person during the tough times. The tough times are the ones when your own needs are not met.
If the relationship is uneven from the start in that one side is giving and selfless and the other side is selfish, then it makes sense that the relationship is not going to be healthy. So before a couple marries, they should discuss this and make a commitment to always think of the other one first.
No matter how angry, tired, sick, desperate, or worried, each side needs to be caring and considerate when entering a conversation.
That’s it. Simple, right? 🙂
Before you say the wrong words, take a deep breath, make a HeartMark, and exhale thoroughly. You can even write down your thoughts. Then rewrite and rewrite. Edit until you get to a point of absolute truth without blame. You’ll find it. You will see things much better. Don’t vent out your anger on your partner as if they’re a punching bag. Do it on paper.
When you cleanse your thoughts on paper, it’s the mature way to take care of your own mess instead of expecting others to do it for you.
People falsely believe that they would be less honest, or that they would be holding back their feelings if they didn’t scream right away. However, editing one’s thoughts to the point that they are positive is not dishonest and does not restrain anger.
When you edit your thoughts, you are actually learning to see the situation from a perspective that does not blame the other side. You get insights that help you mature. You get stronger. You feel less anger because you are less angry. The more you work on your thoughts, the more mature you become.
Of course, if only one side does this while the other screams their heads off, this becomes uneven and less fair. The side that screams expects the other side to do the work for them, like a mom. They want the mom to clean their tooshy in a way. So this goes back to the selfish point. If one side is selfish, this is not good for the relationship.
Good luck to everyone in their relationships, and sorry for my potty analogies. Big HeartMark to everyone!